Randomosity for Nincompoops
by Yazu Katara and Toph Attack
Summary: [crack] AUish. Major Zukaang, Kattoph and MaiLee. Script form... just because. NO SUEING! Flames will be used to burn Sokka... but that's also for Zuko and the CoAuthor to do too. UBER RANDOMNESS IN HERE! [From Toph, mostly]
1. Cactus Juice and Pantsing

**A/N: A tribute to DOOM!**

Riku: PANTS!!

Toph: Ummm… what?

Riku: PANTS!!

Aang: TOASTER!!

Sokka: Who lit Toph on fire?

Aang: Your mom goes to college, Sokka.

Zuko: PIGGIES!!

Toph: Give that!

She takes the flask of cactus juice.

Toph: Let's make a monument to PAJAMAS.

Aang: No! Let's make a monument to EXPLOSIVES!!!

Zuko: Did you know my sister's a Nazi?

Aang: Really? I thought she gave cocoa puffs to children on Arbor Day.

Riku: I wanna go pants someone…

Riku pulls down Aang's pants.

Aang: There's a slight breeze where my undergarments are.

Riku huggles Aang's pants.

Riku: These small like oranges.

Katara enters.

Katara: I leave guys alone for twenty minutes and you've gotten into the cactus juice!

Toph: Mommy?

Katara: OMG!!

Riku: I like salad…

Sokka: Toilet!

Zuko: Scantily clad women on the erotic love machine. (Thank you, Yazu.)

Katara: What?

Zuko: I love pineapples… they're erotic.

Riku pulls down Zuko's pants.

Yazu: GIMME!

Riku: No! Pants are MY thing. And these ones smell like pears.

Sokka: Oh no! My pants are going to be off me soon! I'll save you guys!

Zuko runs into the closet.

Katara: WHAT THE HELL!!

Somewhere in hell…

Lucifer: Damn, it's cold. Zuko must've been closeted.

Back at the house.

Riku: STEVE MCQUEEN IS MAN PRETTY!

Sokka: SOKKA, GET OUT OF THE CLOSET!!

Aang: Ooh! Zuko's gay? Yay!

Katara: What???

Riku: ZUKO AND AANGY SITTIN' IN A TREE!! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!!

Katara: What?

Toph: And the monkeys will know the temple is open when the chimes say kiwi!!

Riku and Toph: I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE RAILROAD!

A window breaks somewhere in the world, killing off Paris Hilton. The Nerds rejoice and try to find Riku… again.

Katara: This is all so… confusing… I need an aspirin…

Sokka: And I need to save Joe and Eric.

Katara: Who are they?

Sokka: My pants and my underwear.

Katara: TMI.

Zuko: Umm… a little help? I'm stuck in the closet.

Riku: Ugh… I think the cactus juice is wearing off.

Toph: Thank god… I have a headache.

Katara: Joe and Eric?

Sokka: I WAS ON CACTUS JUICE!

Zuko: And I'm still in the closet… hello?

Iroh: Did my nephew just say he was gay?

Katara: Nope… he's still in the closet.

Everyone outside of the closet snicker maniacally.

Toph and Riku: Iroh, tea?

Iroh: Oh, yes please… so how did Zuko get himself locked in the closet.

Everybody outside the closet snickers maniacally… again.

Zuko: I CAN STILL HEAR YOU GUYS!

Iroh: Well I'm sorry, Zuko… but we can't resist.

Incoherent mumbling can be heard from the closet.

Toph and Riku come out dressed as French maids with a tray of tea and teacups.

Sokka: What is god's name?

Toph: Don't look at me… look at the Mighty Authoress!

Mighty Authoress: Except no one CAN look at me… 'cause I'm in the sky! Oh… did I just give that away? Damn.

Sokka: Did she something about guppies?

Toph: I couldn't hear her…

Riku: Uhhh… anyway?

Iroh: Tea?

Riku: Right…

Zuko: That's okay… you don't have to pay any attention to the man in the closet.

**A/N: Will Zuko ever get out of the closet? Will the Mighty Authoress ever stop giving herself away? Will Riku give Aang and Zuko's pants back? Will Toph and Riku ever get dressed in their own clothes? Will you ever see another chapter of this thing? Find out next time in: Randomosity for Nincompoops!!**


	2. Singing, Dancing, and Licking Cave Walls

**A/N: RETURN OF THE MIGHTY AUTHORESS AND HER MINIONS! Which I don't have… Oh, well… I'll go quest for them! (prepares to leave) Oh… wait, here's another random… thingie.**

Toph: Hello and welcome to Randomosity for Nincompoops! On today's show, 'I traded my nephew for a monkey because it was more entertaining' Iroh! 'I like to ridicule Iroh's nephew because right now he's in the closet' Sokka! 'Iroh's nephew is the opposite of me' Katara! 'I AM Iroh's nephew and I'm still stuck in the closet' Zuko, 'I still need to pants Sokka even though I'm happy with Aang and Iroh's nephew's pants' Riku! And last but not least, 'I pwn Iroh's nephew, along with everybody else' Aang!

Riku: With our very special guest, the one and only Gay Rainbow Pony Man!

GRPM: Hello! OMG SOKKA!

Riku: OMG GAY HERCULES ALL OVER AGAIN!!!

Sokka starts running away from GRPM. GRPM runs after Sokka.

GRPM: BUT I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!!!

Toph: Ahem, anyway, I'm your host Toph Bei Fong, let's get on with the show!

Zuko: WHAT?! YOU TELEVISING THIS?!

Toph: Umm… yeah.

Katara: We decided to make it kind of like Whose Line is it Anyway… because the MightyAuthoress misses watching that show. Only… you know, not really having the actual games.

Zuko: … SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS DAMNED CLOSET!!!

Riku: But, Zuzu…

Zuzu, ahem, excuse me, Zuko: DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!

Riku: Ahem… anyway. If you don't like the closet why don't you come out of it then?

Everyone outside the closet snickers maniacally… yet again.

Zuko: I want my lawyer!

Riku: Which reminds me…

Riku runs after Sokka and the Gay Rainbow Pony Man.

Riku pulls down Sokka's pants.

Riku: These small like… LIKE GREEN TEA!

Iroh: Let me have a whiff.

Iroh smells Sokka's pants.

Iroh: You're right… they do.

Sokka: No fair! You can't pull down someone's pants while they're being chased by the Gay Rainbow Pony Man!

Riku: I AM VICTORIOUS! Except now I have to pants Iroh, Jet, and Haru…

Riku looks at Iroh.

Iroh: I don't wear pants.

Riku: In that case, just Haru and Jet… possibly Longshot and Long Fei…

Riku goes off to stalk the other boys.

Zuko: Will SOMEONE get me out of this blasted closet?

Iroh: Well… I have to go tend to the tea shop. If you see my nephew, tell him I traded him for a monkey. It's just more entertaining.

The monkey starts scratching it's butt.

Iroh: See?!

Iroh leaves with the monkey.

Zuko: WHAT THE HELL?!

In hell:

Paris Hilton: Got any nines?

Lucifer: Go fish… hey! Who turned of the heating system.

Paris: The Gay Rainbow Pony Man must have gone chasing after a celebrity instead of Sokka.

Back at the house:

GRPM: OMG IT'S ZAC EFFRON!

Sokka: Phew… oh. RUN, ZAC, RUN!

Zac: HOOLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!

Zac Effron starts running.

GRPM: BUT I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!

Toph: Is anyone gonna help him?

Sokka: I did!

Toph: You don't count.

Sokka starts to cry.

Sokka: WHY GOD WHY!

MightyAuthoress: How dare you yell at God and not me! I am your god!

Sokka: Only of THIS story… which isn't even a story.

MightyAuthoress: Well… you should go to hell.

Sokka: Do you KNOW who's down there?

In Hell:

Lucifer, Paris Hilton, Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Faustus, and Britney Spears: AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE!!!

Back at the house:

Everyone shivers and makes disgusted faces.

Zuko: CAN ANYONE—

Toph opens the door and Zuko fall on the floor, on his face. He is wearing a fairy princess costume.

Toph: Ummm…

Zuko: IT WAS DARK AND RIKU HASMY PANTS!

Sokka and Aang: Welcome to the club!

Mighty Authoress: I'm getting bored…

The Mighty Authoress transports them to a dark stage. Zuko is now wearing a basketball uniform, Aang is wearing a lab coat, Sokka is wearing a tuxedo, and Katara and Toph are wearing gypsycostumes, Katara in blue and Toph in green.

Zuko: I have a bad feeling about this.

Music starts. It is 'Breaking Free' (which the Might Authoress just wishes she owned).

Zuko:  
We're soarin', flyin'  
There's not a star in heaven  
That we can't reach

Aang:  
If we're trying  
So we're breaking free

Zuko:  
You know the world can see us  
In a way that's different than who we are

Aang:  
Creating space between us  
'Til we're separate hearts

Both:  
But your faith it gives me strength  
Strength to believe

Chorus #1  
Zuko:  
We're breakin' free  
Aang:  
We're soarin'  
Zuko:  
Flyin'  
Both:  
There's not a star in heaven  
That we can't reach  
Zuko:  
If we're trying   
Both:  
Yeah, we're breaking free  
Zuko:  
Oh, we're breakin' free  
Aang:  
Ohhhh  
Zuko:  
Can you feel it building  
Like a wave the ocean just can't control  
Aang:   
Connected by a feeling  
Ohhh, in our very souls  
Both:   
Rising 'til it lifts us up  
So every one can see

Chorus #2  
Zuko: We're breakin' free  
Aang: We're soarin'  
Zuko: Flyin'  
Both:  
There's not a star in heaven  
That we can't reach  
Zuko:  
If we're trying  
Yeah we're breaking free  
Aang:  
Ohhhh runnin'  
Zuko:  
Climbin'  
To get to that place  
Both:  
To be all that we can be  
Zuko:   
Now's the time  
Both:  
So we're breaking free  
Zuko:   
We're breaking free  
Aang:  
Ohhh , yeah

Zuko:  
More than hope  
More than faith  
Aang:  
This is true  
This is fate  
And together

Both:  
We see it comin'  
Zuko:   
More than you  
More than me

Aang:  
Not a want, but a need  
Both:  
Both of us breakin' free

Chorus #3  
Aang: Soarin'  
Zuko: Flyin'  
Both:  
There's not a star in heaven  
That we can't reach  
If we're trying  
Troy: Yeah we're breaking free  
Aang:  
Breaking free  
Were runnin'   
Zuko:  
Ohhhh, climbin'  
Both:  
To get to the place  
To be all that we can be  
Now's the time  
Zuko: Now's the time  
Aang: So we're breaking free  
Zuko: Ohhh, we're breaking free  
Gabriella: Ohhhh

Both:  
You know the world can see us  
In a way that's different than who we are…

Mighty Authoress: I am pleased. Now, either Toph and Katara sing a love song, or you all three sing a song.

Sokka: If there such a song?

Mighty Authoress: I can pull a few strings…

Toph and Katara: Oh, crap on a stick.

Music starts. (This one is one the Mighty Authoress made up. Based on songs by Arigatou Ai from the stories Arigatou Ai and L-O-V-E by Dramaangel369.)

Sokka: Lovely ladies one by one

Dancing 'til the night is done

Together under stars that shine

Slowly letting go of time…

The music quickens.

Toph: Oh my oh my

Time does fly

But you and me we're soaring high

Katara: Fire Water Air and Light

See that the two of us keep dancing tonight

Toph: Nobody can care

If nobody can see

I wasn't aware

That you were into me

The music slows again.

Sokka: Lovely ladies one by one

Dancing with each other

Dancing with the rising sun

Goddess, see, their lovers

The music quickens.

Toph: Oh my oh my

This feeling's kind of scary

When you think about it though

I guess we can be merry.

Katara: Oh who cares about them

What I care is that tonight

We can stop caring 'bout men

And kiss by candlelight.

The music slows down.

All three: Who cares what they say

Love leads the way

Men can love men

Girls can love girls

Some count to ten and

Some can wear pearls

Toph and Katara: I can love you

Sokka and Katara: And you can love me

Toph: And I can hate him.

Sokka: Hey, don't be mean!

All Three: So remember this song

Dance and dance all night long

Love is love

And war is war

But we love love

'Cause war's a bore.

Music ends.

Might Authoress: Yay for yaoi and yuri… and incest.

Zuko: Can we go now?

Riku enters with Haru's pants, Jet's pants, Zuko's pants, Sokka's pants and Aang's pants.

Riku: I GOT THAT ON TAPE! And I wonder how much it'll sell on eBay?

Riku runs off with her camera.

Sokka: Quick! Get that woman! And those pants!

Zuko, Aang, Jet, Haru and Sokka run after Riku. The Mighty Authoress zaps them into their regular clothes (minus the pants). Toph and Katara shrug and walk silently off the stage and into the girl's dressing room.

Zac Effron: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

The Mighty Authoress: When Hell freezes over.

In Hell:

Echo: When Hell freezes over.

Faustus: I know that voice…

Lucifer cringes.

Paris: Huh… the Mighty Authoress must really hate Zac Effron.

Back… wherever:

Mighty Authoress: And now Toph and Katara will read the credits. Katara, you are Sokka on cactus juice, and Toph, you are… yourself. Good night ladies and gentlemen!

Katara: Who lit Toph on fire?

Toph: Umm… I don't know? Sokka, Zuko, Aang, Jet and Haru?

Katara shrugs.

Katara: Drink cactus juice! It'll quench ya!

She runs around.

Katara: Nothing's quenchier!

She does the worm… or tries.

Katara: It's the quenchiest!

Toph: I didn't see that… nor did Riku the Pants Stealer.

Toph double takes, then starts laughing.

Katara: Is she a giant mushroom? MAYBE SHE'S FRIENDLY!

Mighty Authoress: And now a brother/sister moment between Katara and Sokka… and maybe I'll just screw it up later.

Katara: You've been hallucinating on cactus juice all day, and now you lick something you find stuck to the wall of a cave?  
Sokka: I have a natural curiosity.

Mighty Authoress: INCEST! INCEST! INCEST!

Katara: No way… I was forced to do Kattoph, but now you ain't gonna—

The Mighty Authoress plays a clip from the Brothers Grimm… if you've seen it, it's the part when Jake almost kisses Will.

Mighty Authoress: You know you want to!

Sokka: Ewww…

**A/N: Will our heroes (and Zuko. Zuko: WHAT?! Zuko's Fans: (start picking up butcher knives and other pointy objects.))—Gay Rainbow Pony Man: Since Riku is getting chased by rabid fangirls… including her own best friend, Yazu… I will do the announcing. Will the guys ever get their pants back? Will Toph and Katara get together after this episode. (Katara: No. Toph: No. Sokka: Damn.) Will the Mighty Authoress ever stop being chased by Zuko's Fangirls? (Zuko's Fangirls: No.) Will anyone ever give me a positive answer? (Zac Effron and Sokka: No.) Find out next time on Randomosity for Nincompoops!**


	3. Fangirls and more Dancing

**A/N: I can't believe I'm doing this but… YAZU! CALL ME! WE NEED TO SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER BEFORE I LEAVE FOR TACOMA-LAND! Okay… and here's… OH CRAP! FANGIRLS! (Is chased by angry fangirls) GAY RAINBOW PONY MAN… I GIVE YOU MY AUTHORESS POWERS! (Uh, oh…)**

Gay Rainbow Pony Man looks at Sokka and Zac Effron with the evil bedroom eye.

Sokka and Zac Effron gulp.

Mighty Authoress: ACTUALLY… ED THE SOCK PUPPET HAS MY AUTHORESS POWERS!

Ed the sock gives the boys their pants back. Because he's a sock… he has friends who are pants.

Riku uses the American Dragon voice (which is the same guy who does Zuko… HOLD ON TO YOUR PANTYHOSE!).

Riku: Ah, man!

Toph: Oh, yeah, that was so squee-tastic.

Katara: What?

Toph: Don't ask.

Riku: When did you two get out of the dressing room?

Toph: Since Ed the sock turned everything into a sock version of Candy Land.

Sokka: We really need to make a treaty with Zuko's fangirls. The Mighty Authoress can't just give her powers to any random Joe…

Joe: Hi.

Joe is blown up by one of the fangirls' explosives.

Katara: …just because she said Zuko wasn't a hero.

Zuko: What's going on?

Sokka: We need you to do us a favor.

Zuko: I have a bad feeling about this.

Sokka: On second thought… we need to do something drastic.

Riku: You can kiss your sister…

Katara and Sokka: NO FUCKING WAY!

Riku: Zuko can sing 'Hips Don't Lie' with Aang.

Zuko and Aang glare at her.

Riku: I swear I won't tape it this time.

Zuko and Aang continue glaring at her.

Riku takes out her camera and stomps on it.

Riku: You happy?

Zuko and Aang nod and for extra measure, stomp on the camera.

Katara: Can we hurry up?! It smells like Sokka's dirty socks!

Sokka: Well, if SOMEONE would wash them like a good girl—

Katara: YOU ARE THE MOST SEXIST, IMMATURE—

Toph: SHUT UP YOU TWO!!!

Riku: … I think the Mighty Authoress was chased into Hell! LOOK!

In Hell:

Mighty Authoress: WHY WON'T YOU HELP ME, LUCY?

Lucifer: Because you are more evil than me! That's saying a lot!

Mighty Authoress: I swear I'll stop freezing Hell.

Lucifer thinks for a while. Meanwhile, the Crazed Zuko Fangirls (CZF) have busted down the doors of Hell.

Fangirl #1: SAY YOU'RE SORRY, MIGHTY AUTHORESS!!

Fangirl #2: AND GIVE IN TO OUR PAINFULLY LONG LIST OF DEMANDS!

Yazu: AND GIVE ME ZUKO'S PANTS!

Mighty Authoress: LUCY!!!

Lucifer: Okay… we won't kill you. Now go back up to your office, they won't look for you there.

Back in… Sock Land:

Toph: Please, Mighty Authoress! Do what they say so we don't have to smell Sokka's smelly socks!

Mighty Authoress: That's Sokka? I thought someone had died.

Mighty Authoress plugs her nose and thinks. Meanwhile the CZFs have stormed into the Mighty Authoress' office's lobby.

Mighty Authoress: Oh, crap. I hear them!

Katara: JUST DO WHAT THEY ASK!

CZFs have broken down the office door.

Mighty Authoress: Okay!!! What are your demands?

Yazu: Really? Minions! The list!

One of the fangirls hand her a list, she reads them off.

Yazu: Zuko's pants, The Mighty Authoress to stop making fun of Zuko, Iroh to trade the monkey in for Zuko, some tea….

Meanwhile…

Zac Effron: OH MY GOD I'M GONNA DIE!

Sokka: YOU?! WHAT ABOUT ME?!

Gay Rainbow Pony Man continues to chase them… along with Lucas Grabeel, Corbin Bleu, Steve McQueen, and David Bowie.

Riku: Hey! Steve McQueen is mine!!!

Riku starts chasing Steve McQueen on another trail like thing.

Back at the office:

Yazu: …and a Partridge in a Pear Tree.

Mighty Authoress is really, really bored. So bored she has lain down on the desk. She waves her arms weakly.

Mighty Authoress: Fine…

The demands are met. The fangirls leave happily.

Toph: I can't believe your friend turned on you.

Mighty Authoress: I'm gonna go make Aang and Zuko do something stupid for the slash fangirls… and maybe you guys will have to do something for the femmslash… uh… fans.

Nerds suddenly storm in.

Mighty Authoress: Oh… crap. ED! GIVE ME MY POWERS BACK!

Ed's Sock World disappears, Zac and the others find sanctuary from the Gay Rainbow Pony Man and Riku, and everybody is, yet again, on a dark stage. Toph, Katara, Riku, and the Mighty Authoress are in street clothes. Toph is on drums, Katara on bass, and Riku on Guitar, with the Mighty Authoress on tambourine and vocals. The boys take a seat.

(This is Ballroom Blitz, by Sweet. I've been into the 70s Rock Glam Era thanks to my dad's show.)

Mighty Authoress: Are you ready, Steve?

Toph: Aha.

Mighty Authoress: Andy?

Riku: Yeah!

Mighty Authoress: Mick?

Katara: OK.

Mighty Authoress: Alright, fellas, let's go!

Oh it's been getting so hard

Livin' with the things you do to me, aha

Oh my dreams are getting so strange

I'd like to tell you everything I see

Oh, I see a man at the back

As a matter of fact his eyes are red as the sun

And a girl in the corner let no one ignore her

'Cause she thinks she's the passionate one

All: Oh, yeah, it was like lightning, everybody was frightening

And the music was soothing, and they all started grooving

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

And the man at the back said

Everyone attack and it turned into a ballroom blitz

And the girl in the corner said

Boy, I wanna warn ya, it'll turn into a ballroom blitz

Mighty Authoress: Ballroom blitz,

Katara: ballroom blitz,

Toph: ballroom blitz

Riku: Ballroom blitz

Mighty Authoress: I'm reaching out for something

Touching nothing's all I ever do

Oh, I softly call you over

When you appear there's nothing left of you, aha

Now the man in the back

Is ready to crack as he raises his hands to the sky

And the girl in the corner is ev'ryone's mourner

She could kill you with a wink of her eye

All: Oh yeah, it was electric, so frightfully hectic

And the band started leaving, 'cause they all stopped breathing

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

And the man at the back said

Everyone attack and it turned into a ballroom blitz

And the girl in the corner said

Boy, I wanna warn ya, it'll turn into a ballroom blitz

Mighty Authoress: Ballroom blitz,

Katara: ballroom blitz,

Toph: ballroom blitz

Riku: Ballroom blitz

All: Oh yeah, it was like lightning, everybody was frightening

And the music was soothing, and they all started grooving

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

And the man at the back said

Everyone attack and it turned into a ballroom blitz

And the girl in the corner said

Boy, I wanna warn ya, it'll turn into a ballroom blitz

Mighty Authoress: Ballroom blitz,

Katara: ballroom blitz,

Toph: ballroom blitz

Riku: Ballroom blitz

All: It's it's a ballroom blitz, it's it's a ballroom blitz

It's it's a ballroom blitz, yeah, it's a ballroom blitz

Mighty Authoress: Just what I needed… Sokka… you go next.

Sokka: I'll do lights and other stuff.

Sokka is up in some sort of booth thing in the back of the auditorium.

Mighty Authoress: Okay… that leaves Zuko and Aang.

Mighty Authoress smirks slightly as the two afore mentioned boys climb up on the stage. She leaves the girls in their street clothes, and makes Zuko wear a Mexican suit-like thing, and Aang is now wearing a fluffy blue dress thing.

(This is Bop to the Top, from High School Musical. The Mighty Authoress wishes she owned both High School Musical and Sweet's Ballroom Blitz. She also wishes that she owned Sharpay's dress from Bop to the Top… only in green. Imagine that Zuko is Ryan and Aang is Sharpay. (coughgigglesnort)

Fangirls are standing by.

Aang: I believe in dreamin'  
Shootin' for the stars

Zuko:   
Baby to be number one  
You've got to raise the bar

Aang:  
Kickin' and a scratchin'  
Grindin' out my best

Zuko:  
Anything it takes  
To climb the ladder of success

Both:  
Work our tails off every day  
Gotta bump the competition  
Blow them all away

Aang:  
Yeah we're gonna

Both:  
Bop, bop, bop  
Bop to the top

Zuko:   
Slip and slide and ride that rhythm

Both:  
Jump and hop hop 'til we drop

Aang:  
And start again

Both:

Zip zap zop  
Pop like a mop

Zuko:  
Scoot around the corner

Both:  
Move it to the groove  
'Til the music stops  
Do the bop bop, bop to the top  
Don't ever stop  
Bop to the top

Gimmie, gimmie  
Shimmy shimmy  
Shake some booty and turn around  
Flash a smile in their direction

Aang:   
Show some muscle

Zuko:  
Do the hustle

Both:   
Yeah we're gonna bop, bop, bop  
Bop to the top

Zuko:   
Wipe away your inhibitions

Both:  
Stump, stump, stump do the rump

Aang:  
And strut your stuff

Both:  
Bop, bop, bop  
Straight to the top  
Going for the glory  
We'll keep stepping up  
And we just won't stop  
'Til we reach the top  
Bop to the top

Mighty Authoress smirks in the fangirls direction. The Slash Fangirls have stars and hearts in their eyes, and the femslash and Zuko (and Sokka and Aang and Jet and Haru… and the other freedom fighters… and some fanboys of Katara and Toph… and Azula, Ty Lee and Mai O.O) are laughing there asses off.

Mighty Authoress: Hmph.

She crosses her arms and smirks.

**A/N: Will Sokka ever stop being chased by the Gay Rainbow Pony Man? Will Aang and Zuko ever reveal their true feelings to each other? Will the Mighty Authoress ever stop getting chased by her fan club? Will Ed the sock ever reveal his TRUE identity? Find out next time on Randomosity for Nincompoops!**


	4. Russian Twists and more Cactus Juice

**A/N: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! And Yazu is here now. (Finally.) Where's the Gay Rainbow Pony… oh, wait, I don't want to know.**

Zuko: What are we doing today?

Riku: Sokka? Katara? Make-out!

Sokka and Katara: IN YOUR DREAMS!

Riku: You are so… right! WAH! I'M SUCH A NERD!

The Mighty Authoress: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I WILL USE MY MIGHTY AUTHORESS POWERS TO MAKE YOU MAKE-OUT!

The Co-Author (Yazu-chan): Really?

The Mighty Authoress thinks.

The Mighty Authoress: On second thought… where's Toph?

Toph: Oh, ho, no.

Mighty Authoress: And Riku… I'm firing you.

Riku: WHAT?

The Mighty Authoress: The Co-Author and I agree… you haven't done anything but get ME into trouble by HER!

The Co-Author: You also said Zuko wasn't a hero. And you made Iroh trade Zuko for a monkey, and—

The Mighty Authoress: SHUT UP!! But, my little lioness friend… I will give you something to go… do… whatever it is you do…

Sokka, Aang and Zuko: Ah, crap.

The Mighty Authoress hands her The Holy Pants™.

Riku gasps and runs off squee-ing.

Sokka: Finally our pants are safe.

The Mighty Authoress: But not your sanity… NOW KISS KATARA DAMMIT!

The Mighty Authoress does a little flippy thing with her hands and Sokka kisses Katara.

They jump away quick.

Sokka and Katara: DAMN YOU THE MIGHTY AUTHORESS!!

The Mighty Authoress: And that, The Co-Author, is the magic of being the Mighty Authoress.

The Co-Author: Really? NEAT!

The Co-Author takes out her magical frying pan, and smashes Sokka with it, causing him to suffer from symptoms similar to CACTUS JUICE!!!!!!

The Mighty Authoress laughs maniacally and flashes the thumbs up sign to the Co-Author.

Sokka: TOILET!

Aang: Oh, God, no.

The Mighty Authoress: Ahem.

Aang: Oh, sorry, Oh, Mighty Authoress, no.

The Mighty Authoress points to Co-Author.

The Mighty Authoress: Blame her.

The Co-Author: Why me?

The Mighty Authoress: Shush! Let us watch!

The Co-Author: I'll get the popcorn! And the Diet Coke… since you can't have any pop corn… sad.

Sokka: Hey! Who knew Zuko's sister was a Nazi?

Aang slaps his forehead.

Aang: We've been through this, Sokka.

The Mighty Authoress: Wait, wait, wait!

Everybody gets out of character and looks at her.

Sokka: Who lit the Mighty Authoress on fire?

The Co-Author: OHH! PICK ME! PICK ME! PICK ME!

The Mighty Authoress: That is why you are not the Authoress of this fic. Anyway… I SHOULD MAKE IT A THREESOME WITH AANG, ZUKO AND SOKKA!

Zuko: Okay…

Ty Lee randomly pops in.

Ty Lee: Why is Sokka dancing like a monkey?

She leaves.

Aang: Okay… this is just getting weirder.

Katara: What did you expect?

Aang: Toasters?

Sokka: Oooh! A closet!

Sokka opens the door to the closet a shoves Zuko into it… again.

Zuko: DAMMIT! GET ME OUT OF THE CLOSET!

Aang: Sure… after you go see a counselor about your problems with coming out.

Toph: Speak for yourself, Twinkle-toes.

Zuko: Can we focus on me? Please?

The Co-Author: I CAN!

The Mighty Authoress: SHUSH!

Aang: I CAN focus on you… if you want me to.

Katara: Someone get me a tape recorder…

Toph: Are they?

Katara: In due time, Toph, in due time.

Meanwhile, in the office:

The Mighty Authoress: Do you feel that rumbling?

The Co-Author: Yeah… I'm really hungry.

The Mighty Authoress: You're a douche bag, you know that?

The Co-Author: But I'm your… no wait… no I'm not.

The Mighty Authoress: … I have a bad feeling in my gut.

The Co-Author: Is it your pancreas or your spleen?

The Mighty Authoress: Uh, oh…

The Mighty Authoress' fanclub, aka The Nerds, barge in.

The Mighty Authoress: THAT'S MY CUE!

She starts running. The Gay Rainbow Pony Man runs up beside her.

GRPM: Who are YOU chasing?

The Mighty Authoress: No one… the Nerds have caught up with me!

GRPM: Well… too bad for you… BUT WAIT CABBAGE MAN! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!

GRPM runs off after the Cabbage Man. The Mighty Authoress shrugs and runs faster.

Nerd #1: GET HER PANTS!

Nerd #2: GET HER SHIRT!

Nerd #3: LET'S TIE HER UP AND MAKE HER RECITE LOVE POEMS ABOUT AANG AND ZUKO! IN SHAKESPEARIAN!

The Co-Author: Oh… every time.

She gets up and gets in between the Nerds and the Mighty Authoress.

The Mighty Authoress: HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

The Co-Author: I'm on it! Okay… what do you want?

Nerd #1: HER PANTS!

Nerd #2: HER SHIRT!

Nerd #3: WE WANT TO TIE HER UP AND MAKE HER RECITE LOVE POEMS ABOUT AANG AND ZUKO! IN SHAKESPEARIAN!

The Co-Author: Uhhh… I can't do any of that… but I can give you hotel soaps and a CD of Shikira.

Nerd #3: That works.

The Nerds leave, and The Mighty Authoress slips back into her office chair.

The Mighty Authoress: Thanks…

The Co-Author: You owe me… for the… let's see… 1,458,450,349th time.

Back with… those people:

Sokka: Oh baby when you talk like that  
You make a woman go mad  
So be wise and keep on  
Reading the signs of my body

And I'm on tonight  
You know my hips don't lie  
And I am starting to feel you boy  
Come on let's go, real slow  
Don't you see baby asi es perfecto

Zuko: MAKE HIM STOP!

Toph: Uhh… Aang? Open the closet door, please.

Aang opens the door and Toph shoves in and closes the door.

Aang: Hey, no fair!

Sokka: I like pretty boys, they make the sky look fat.

Toph: PARTAY IN THE CLOSET!  
Aang: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Sokka wraps his arms around Katara.

Sokka: There's a PARTAY in my pants… and you, little lady, are invited.

Katara: He's on cactus juice, he's on cactus juice!

Toph: There goes the train into the tunnel, eh Katara?

Katara: Yeah, and I think that's spicy.

Toph: Ooh… please, stick your straw in my milkshake and twirl.

Sokka: LESBIANISMZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

Aang: Can someone get us out of the closet?

Toph: I'm sure you two will come out when you're good and ready. Like the Gay Rainbow Pony Man!

Katara: He came out when he was five!

Toph: Yeah… but you don't see anyone blushing maniacally and turning away from HIM do you?

Sokka: Unless you're a… homophone…

Katara: That's homophobe, sweetie…

Sokka: Is it just me, or is the sky a slight off-green color?

All (except our closet-teers) look up.

Katara: Uhh… no… that's the color of the ceiling. Who picked out the colors for that thing?

Sokka: My mom goes to college.

Meanwhile at the office:

The Mighty Authoress: No one has fallen in a trash can, OR said 'I like salad!'

The Co-Author pushes The Mighty Authoress in the trash can.

The Mighty Authoress: DOUCHE BAG!

She curses in Finnish, English, Japanese, Chinese, Russian, German, Italian, French, Elvish, Gaelic, Canadian, Spanish, Snow Angel-ish, Fire Lord Ozai-ish, General Iroh-ish (known as Jasmine-ian), Gay Rainbow Man-ian, and Douche Baggian.

She then gets out of the trash can and farts in the Co-Author face.

The Co-Author: IT SMELLS LIKE… Green Tea…

Back… wherever:

Sokka: BANANA LLAMA!!!

Katara: …

Toph: … Has anyone else noticed how… quiet it's been in the closet?

Katara and Toph look at each other.

Katara: Do I want to open the closet?

Toph: Do I want to get the camera?

Sokka: Do I want be Tuxedo Mask for Halloween, or James Bond?

Sokka pauses.

Sokka: Bond… James Bond.

Katara: GET THE CAMERA, TOPH!

Toph: Wait… I couldn't see what they were doing anyway!

Katara: Couldn't you… you know, FEEL them?

Toph pauses, feeling for vibrations.

Toph: If they're doing the Russian Twist then I can't feel anything.

Katara: Is that your… sexual remark?

Toph: You want to try the Russian Twist later?

Katara: I'll think about it.

Sokka: LesbianismZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

Femmslash Fans: WOOT!

In the closet:

Zuko: Do you think they suspect something?

Aang: We've kept quiet all through the Mighty Authoress' foreign language binge.

Zuko: It just quiet… quick! Do something.

Aang starts doing the Can-Can.

Katara opens the door.

Katara: DAMN!

Toph: Aang's doing the Can-Can… and Zuko's playing the bagpipes.

Zuko: CAN'T…. BREATHE!

Zuko faints.

Toph: QUICK! AANG, DO MOUTH TO MOUTH!

Aang: Why me?

Toph and Katara shrug and slam the door on his face.

Sokka: Who lit Toph on fire?

Toph: Zuko, if he hadn't lost his breath.

Sokka: I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic   
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation…

In the Office:

The Mighty Authoress: Let's end it in song…

The Co-Author: Are we getting Aang and Zuko out of the closet?

The Mighty Authoress: OF COURSE! They ARE the leading man and (coughgigglesnort) leading (coughgigglesnort) lady.

She burst out laughing. The Co-Author looks at her confused.

Back… wherever:

Zuko:

Ya never know what you're gonna feel, oh

Ya never see it comin' suddenly it's real

Aang:

Oh, never even crossed my mind, no

That I would ever end up here tonight

Both:

All things change

When you don't expect them to

No one knows

What the future's gonna do

I never even noticed

That you've been there all along

Chorus

Zuko & Aang:

I can't take my eyes off of you

I know you feel the same way too, yeah

I can't take my eyes off of you

All it took . . . Was one look

For a dream come true

Toph:

Yeah, we got a good thing goin' on

Katara:

Oh, right here is right where we belong

Both:

You never really know what you might find

Now all I see is you and I

You're everything I never knew

That I've been looking for

Chorus

Toph & Katara

All:

Can't take my eyes off of you

Oh, oh, oh yeah

So let the music play

Can't take my eyes off of you

Yeah, the feeling's getting' stronger

And I never ever felt this way

Alright, I see everything

In your eyes. . . Oh yeah

Alright, something's happening

Cause everyone's around but

You're the only one I see

Chorus

I can't take my eyes off of you

Feelings like I never knew

I can't take my eyes off of you

From the start. . . Got my heart

Yeah, you do

Can't take my eyes off you…

Sokka: AND I EXPLODED ON THE TOILET!

**A/N: Will Aang and Zuko EVER EVER SAY THAT THEY WANT TO FUCK EACH OTHER?? (Gay Rainbow Pony Man: Like rabbits? The Mighty Authoress: Umm… DUH-HUR!?) Will Sokka EVER get off cactus juice? Will the Co-Author ever understand the meaning of 'multiplying like rabbits?' Will the Mighty Authoress ever stop being chased by her fan club? Will Toph and Katara ever do the Russian Twist? Will the Mighty Authoress ever clean out her mind? Find out next time on Randomosity for Nincompoops!**


	5. Tape Recording and Molestation

**A/N: Okay! We're here and we're queer! Gay Rainbow Pony Man: That's me… not you and… what's her face.**

The Mighty Authoress: Okay… now I'm going to shove Zuko and Aang back in the closet.

She does so.

Aang: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT US TO DO?!

The Co-Author: Anything…

Toph: As in, anything sexual… right?

The Co-Author: Uhh… what?

The Mighty Authoress: Oh, after I explained the multiplying like rabbits… she can only think of that.

The Co-Author: OH!!!

Sokka: I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE RAILROAD!

Katara: … You two are really weird.

The Co-Author: That's because MY MOM GOES TO COLLEGE!!!!

The Mighty Authoress: OFFICE! NOW!

The Co-Author: Do I have to?

The Mighty Authoress glares at her.

The Co-Author: Fine… but I'm making tea.

The Mighty Authoress: Thank you! You guys… do something that involves getting the freakin' Airbender and the Firebender together… or I'll make you sing some really random girly song.

Toph: Okay!

Katara: How?

The Mighty Authoress: … I have some bedroom toys in the other closet.

Toph and Katara: O.O

Katara: And you didn't tell us? WE could've used it!

The Mighty Authoress: When?

Toph: The… I like salad.

The Mighty Authoress slips her the weird look and goes to her office.

Sokka: LESBIANISMZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

Sokka blinks.

Sokka: The cactus juice has worn off… how's Operation Fire and Air going?

Katara: Something smells like rotten eggs and rancid bacon.

Sokka: Cactus Juice does something to my stomach.

Toph: I can… ugh! Tell!

Aang: IT SMELLS!

Toph: Get out of the closet!

Zuko: WE'RE NOT GAY!!!

Katara: Yes you are! I have proof!

Katara takes out a Tape recorder.

Tape recorder:

Ty Lee: Aang… what's with the picture of Zuko in your refrigerator?

Aang: Uhh… it's a diet thing.

Toph: Right… and you're dieting why?

Aang: I… I feel fat.

Mai: Ty Lee… what's taking you so long?

Ty Lee: Oh… right. Can I borrow your whipped cream?

Aang: Uh… sure…

(Pause and footsteps)

Toph: Not sure I want to know about that.

Aang: What about you and Katara?

Toph: Uhh… I like salad. (Pause) Sokka… did you HAVE to dig up between my legs?

Sokka: I didn't anticipate you being there. Aang, why do you have a picture of Zuko in your refrigerator?

Toph: Dietting, I'm going over to Katara's.

Sokka: … And I'm going over to Azula's garden. She has a REALLY hot tomato plant.

Aang: Obviously, I'm not the only one with issues.

Sokka: I'm going to propose!

Aang: Do you even know her name?

Sokka: HIS name. MURPLE!

(Pause)

(Kissing sounds)

Aang: Who knew a picture of Zuko could kiss so well.

Tape ends.

Toph jumps up and down.

Toph: WOOT!

Sokka: You're a yaoi fan girl?

Toph: What gave it away?

Katara: Wow… are Ty Lee and Mai still… you know…

Toph: Doing the Russian Twist? Every night now since the end of season two.

Squealing, a sound like something being squeezed out of a bottle, and the sound of a creaky floor greeted their ears- from the bedroom upstairs.

GRPM runs pass them all, after the Cabbage Man.

GPRM: BUT I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!!

Cabbage Man: MY CABBAGES ARE SAFE FROM NOOOOOOOO MAN!

Toph: That was, SO sexual innuendo.

The Mighty Authoress: Blame the Co-Author!

Katara: Done!

In the closet:

Aang: Look what I found!

Zuko: A way out?

Aang: No!

Zuko: A shovel?

Aang: No!

Zuko: A drill?

Aang: No!

Zuko: Whipped Cream?

Aang: I wish. Mai and Ty Lee still have mine.

Zuko: Right… Anyway… my wallet?

Aang: No…

Zuko: … WHAT THEN?!

Aang: … You know what… never mind.

Back Outside:

Sokka: Got any nines?

Toph: IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE? I'M BLIND!

Katara: And I'm playing strip Go Fish with my brother… MIGHTY AUTHORESS?!

Toph: I wish I could see then…

Meanwhile in the Office:

The Co-Author: What did Aang find? Rabbits multiplying?

The Mighty Authoress: Nope. A condom.

The Co-Author: JUST ONE?

Back… wherever:

Sokka: I FOUND ANOTHER TAPE RECORDING!

Tape Recording:

Iroh: I was hanging out the laundry and found a picture in your… pants.

Zuko: I'm busted.

Iroh: Does your girlfriend have cancer or something?

Zuko: What?

Iroh: She's bald!

Zuko: Eh heh… Uncle… I like guys.

Iroh: Oh! I forgot!

Zuko: And that's… that's the Avatar.

Iroh: You won't call him by his proper name?

Zuko: Well… if I said his real name, then people will ask me strange questions.

Iroh: Ohh… I get it.

(Background Noise)

Toph: DAMMIT TWINKLE-TOES! WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW! I'VE HAD A REALLY LATE NIGHT!

Aang: With Katara?

Iroh: Uhh… anyway. You might want this.

Zuko: Thanks Uncle. You won't tell anyone, will you?

Iroh: As quiet as a mouse it to the location of his cheese.

End Tape.

Sokka: OOOOOHHHHH!!! Who tapes these things?

The Mighty Authoress: Guilty.

In the Closet:

Zuko: I'm hot.

Aang: Yes you are… I mean… me too!  
Zuko: What did you find?

Aang: WHY DO YOU CARE?!

Zuko: I have a natural curiosity.

Aang: Like Sokka?

Zuko: I wouldn't go that far.

Aang: What… 3rd base?

Zuko: Ummm… maybe with… one person.

Aang: If you were thinking Katara, Toph has dibs on all three bases.

Zuko: Four. You're forgetting the home run.

Aang: O.O Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Outside:

Toph: I hear murmuring, I HEAR MURMURING!

Katara: What are they saying?

Toph: Something about baseball.

Sokka: MURPLE MY LOVE!!

Sokka runs off with the tomato plant.

Azula: DAMMIT SOKKA! I SAID YOU COULD LOOK AT THE PLANT! NOT STEAL IT!

Sokka and Azula exit.

Katara: Well… that was tad weird.

Toph: Just a tad.

Toph takes Katara's hand.

Toph: But now we're TOTALLY alone.

In the Office:

In The Mighty's Authoress Head: _Toph takes Katara off to the side and…_

… _MOLESTS HER!_

The Mighty Authoress: On second thought… I'll save that for Aang and Zuko…

Back at the apartment:

Toph: What should we do about Twinkle-toes and Scarface?

Katara: They say potato, I say Vodka!

Katara takes out a bottle of Vodka.

Toph opened a tiny hole in the closet door, big enough to fit the bottle. Katara stops her hand.

Katara: On second thought… we'll save this for later.

Toph nods and seals the hole.

In the Closet:

Zuko: Anyway… WHAT THE HELL DID YOU FIND?!

Aang: Jeez… don't get your panties in a twist.

Zuko: How British, what did you find, Aang.

Aang: I found a (Pauses) Did you just call me Aang?

Zuko: Your hearing things! I did not!

Aang: YOU DID! YOU DID! Somebody's warming up to me!

Zuko: Yeah… and pigs can fly.

Aang: If I made them.

Zuko: YOU ARE SO INFURIATING!

Aang: I'M AN AIRBENDER! GET USE TO IT!

Zuko: YEAH?! THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!

Aang: CRY ME A RIVER!

Zuko: I WOULD IF I WAS A WATER BENDER!

Aang: YOUR CRAZY! I WISH YOU WOULD DIE!

Zuko: DO YOU WANT TO KISS ME AS MUCH AS I WANT TO KISS YOU?!

Aang: I'M SURPRISED ONE LIKE YOU WOULD ASK!

Zuko and Aang are in lip lock.

Outside the closet:

Toph: Okay…

Katara: There was yelling and then… nothing. Silence.

Toph: Oh Mighty Authoress, they aren't.

Katara: Lemme get the camera.

Minutes later Katara opens the door and finds Zuko and Aang asleep on the floor, hugging.

Toph: Well? I don't feel anything.

Zuko wakes up.

Zuko: FINALLY!

Zuko drags Aang out of the closet, runs up to the bedroom upstairs, and kicks Ty Lee and Mai out and…

… MOLESTS HIM!

Toph: Only… you can't rape the willing.

Sokka: That's it? That's the end?

The Mighty Authoress: Uhh… maybe. Yes.

Katara: In that case.

Katara takes Toph by the hand, leads her off to the side and…

…MOLESTS HER!

GRPM: Only… again, you can't rape the willing.

Sokka: … Azula… what are you doing?

Azula takes Sokka to the side and…

…MOLESTS HIM!

Mai: Since everybody is doing it.

Mai shrugs and pulls Ty Lee to the side and…

… MOLESTS HER!

The Co-Author: For the last time! You can't rape the willing…

The Mighty Authoress looks confused. She then runs up, with The Co-Author behind her.

The Mighty Authoress: I GET AANG AFTER ZUKO!

The Co-Author: AND I GET ZUKO AFTER AANG!

Meanwhile:

Nerds: My oh my do you wanna say goodbye?  
To have the Kingdom, baby, tell me why  
My oh my do you wanna say goodbye?  
To rule the country, baby, you and I?  
If you were my King...  
My oh my do you wanna say goodbye?  
To have the Kingdom, baby, tell me why  
My oh my do you wanna say goodbye?  
To rule the country, baby, you and I?  
Little princess in a terrible mess,  
a kingdom alone, with no love to confess  
Dreams of a prince on a tall white horse,   
runs like a spirit by the castle walls.  
Gotta steal from the rich, when they don't know I'm coming,  
gotta give to the poor, no time for lovin'  
My oh my don't you cry, 'cause there is no way I'm staying,  
I will leave say «bye bye», I'm going my way...  
My oh my do you wanna say goodbye?  
To have the Kingdom, baby, tell me why  
My oh my do you wanna say goodbye?  
To rule the country, baby, you and I?  
If you were my King...  
I would be your Queen...  
If you were my King...  
I would be your Queen...  
Mystery deep in the royal heart  
Crying at night, I wanna be apart  
Prince, oh, prince are you really sincere?  
That you one day are gonna disappear?  
Gotta steal from the rich, when they don't know I'm coming,  
gotta give to the poor, no time for lovin'  
My oh my don't you cry, 'cause there is no way I'm staying,  
I will leave say "bye bye", I'm going my way...  
My oh my.  
My oh my.  
My oh my.  
My oh my!  
My oh my do you wanna say goodbye?  
To have the Kingdom, baby, tell me why  
My oh my do you wanna say goodbye?  
To rule the country, baby, you and I?  
My oh my do you wanna say goodbye?   
To have the Kingdom, baby, tell me why  
My oh my do you wanna say goodbye?  
To rule the country, baby, you and I?  
If you were my King...  
I would be your Queen...  
If you were my King...  
I would be your Queen...

**GRPM/N: (Gay Rainbow Pony Man's Notes, btw.) Wow… that was a great ending… wait… now I'm all alone! (looks over at Ed the Sock) What the heck. **

**Ed: YOU CAN'T RAPE THE WILLING!**

**GRPM: THEN TO THE BEDROOM!**

**End.**


	6. Bonus: Much Rabbit Multiplication

**CA/N: (Co-Author Notes) This is the Co-Author attempting to write something random for the bonus chapter, because The Mighty Authoress is knitting and she's funnier than me.**

In the Office:

The Co-Author: WHY ARE YOU KNITTING?!?!  
The Mighty Authoress: Because I want to, you nincompoop.

The Co-Author: Oh…What shall we do while we wait for Aang and Zuko to finish up?

The Mighty Authoress: Well, I'll knit, and you can sleep.

The Co-Author: DONE!

The Co-Author grabs a pillow and blanket and plops down on the couch, asleep.

The Mighty Authoress: Doo dee doo dee doo…LESBIANISMZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Back in the Apartment:

Sokka: Damn, you're much better than Murple, Azula!

Azula: Shut up and kiss me, you stupid Water Tribe peasant.

They resume making out, with much squealing and moaning.

Toph: You're really great at the Russian Twist, Katara!

Katara: Sokka keeps his Jane Fonda workout tapes around, and she shows you how to do it properly.

Toph: Keep it up, then!

Upstairs:

Mai: Zuzu, how could you? With the Avatar, of all people!

Ty Lee: Don't worry, Mai, I'm here. I'll make it better. Let's try number 17- the spread eagle!

Mai: Gladly.

Downstairs:

Sokka: Azula?

Azula: Yes?

Sokka: The sky looks green again. And fat!

Azula looks up.

Azula: No, that's the ceiling.

Sokka jumps her, and they resume their make-out fest.

Midnight:

Aang and Zuko come into the office.

Zuko: We're done!

The Co-Author wakes up from her seemingly-unconscious sleep, glomps him, and they promptly begin the Douchebaggian Twist.

The Mighty Authoress: Is that better than the Russian Twist?

Toph: Definitely! Which reminds me…KATARAAAAAAAAAA!

Aang: That's a lovely scarf you're knitting. It's a nice green color.

The Mighty Authoress: Unlike the ceiling.

They both look up at the ceiling.

Both: Ewwwwwwwwww…

The Mighty Authoress puts down her knitting and holds her arms out to Aang.

The Mighty Authoress: Shall we?

They proceed in the same manner as Zuko and the Co-Author on the floor.

The rest of the couples join them on the floor.

Meanwhile…Somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean:

The Cabbage Man: The seaweed is always greener  
In somebody else's lake  
You dream about going up there  
But that is a big mistake  
Just look at the world around you  
Right here on the ocean floor  
Such wonderful things surround you  
What more is you lookin' for?

Under the sea  
Under the sea  
Darling it's better  
Down where it's wetter  
Take it from me  
Up on the shore they work all day  
Out in the sun they slave away  
While we devotin'  
Full time to floatin'  
Under the sea

Down here all the fish is happy  
As off through the waves they roll  
The fish on the land ain't happy  
They sad 'cause they in their bowl  
But fish in the bowl is lucky  
They in for a worser fate  
One day when the boss get hungry  
Guess who's gon' be on the plate

Under the sea  
Under the sea  
Nobody beat us  
Fry us and eat us  
In fricassee  
We what the land folks loves to cook  
Under the sea we off the hook  
We got no troubles  
Life is the bubbles  
Under the sea  
Under the sea  
Since life is sweet here  
We got the beat here  
Naturally  
Even the sturgeon an' the ray  
They get the urge 'n' start to play  
We got the spirit  
You got to hear it  
Under the sea

The newt play the flute  
The carp play the harp  
The plaice play the bass  
And they soundin' sharp  
The bass play the brass  
The chub play the tub  
The fluke is the duke of soul  
(Yeah)  
The ray he can play  
The lings on the strings  
The trout rockin' out  
The blackfish she sings  
The smelt and the sprat  
They know where it's at  
An' oh that blowfish blow

Under the sea  
Under the sea  
When the sardine  
Begin the beguine  
It's music to me  
What do they got? A lot of sand  
We got a hot crustacean band  
Each little clam here  
know how to jam here  
Under the sea  
Each little slug here  
Cuttin' a rug here  
Under the sea  
Each little snail here  
Know how to wail here  
That's why it's hotter  
Under the water  
Ya we in luck here  
Down in the muck here  
Under the sea

Back in the Office:

Toph: This is just going to be a night of sex, isn't it?

The Mighty Authoress: Yup!

Sokka: I feel nice and pretty…I feel nice and pretty…I feel nice and pretty…I feel nice and…

He farts incredibly loudly.

Sokka: And pretty!

He pauses.

Sokka: AND I EXPLODED ON THE TOILET!!!!!!! WOOOOT!  
In Hell:

Lucifer and Gabriel are doing the Russian Twist, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears are doing the Douchebaggian Twist, Hitler and Faustus are doing the Hobbit-ian Twist, and Stalin and Mussolini are fucking each other like rabbits.

The Nerds: WE'RE JOINING IN TOO!

Lucifer: What are you Nerds doing here?

Nerd #1: The Mighty Authoress sent us here.

Lucifer: I hate that woman. Ah well…come join the PARTAY!

All in Hell: PARTAY IN HELL!

**CA/N: Well, what an epilogue! **

**GRPM: Ed, you are such a tease!**

**Everyone (except GRPM and Ed): What the hell?**

**The GRPM and Ed are…are…doing the Italian Twist. **

**The Co-Author: How the hell do you molest a sock?**

**Ed: I am NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sock! **

**The Co-Author: WHAT?!**

**The Mighty Authoress: Remember in Chapter 3 when I said Ed had a secret identity?**

**The Co-Author: Not really, no.**

**The Mighty Authoress: ED, SHOW US WHO YOU REALLY ARE!**

**Ed removes his socky self to reveal BOB, the man-pretty man that the Voice in DOOM! was in love with.**

**All: HUZZAH!**

**END**


	7. Credits: Stick To That Status Quo

**MA/A: Ha! We forgot the credits! (Ooops.)**

The Mighty Authoress: Well… (pant) we forgot (pant) the (pant) credits.

Aang: Why do (pant) we need (pant) those? (pant, pant)

The Mighty Authoress pauses to catch her breath.

The Mighty Authoress: Where's the Co-Author and Zuko?

Aang: Uhh… I think they're burning stuff… they got done WAY before we did.

The Mighty Authoress pokes a sleeping Toph and Katara.

Toph: I didn't do it!

She jumps and breathes out slowly.

Katara: What time is it?

The Mighty Authoress: It's 3:00.

Toph: In the morning?

She plops back on the floor and closes her eyes.

The Mighty Authoress: No, in the afternoon.

Toph opens her eyes.

Katara: Well… we were up all night.

Sokka and Azula open their eyes.

Sokka: Geez… last night was kinda…

Ty Lee and Mai appear in the door way.

Ty Lee: Stupid?

Aang: No it wasn't… we were just over run by hormones and stuff.

The Mighty Authoress: And now The Co-Author and Zuko are… elsewhere.

In Hell:

Lucifer: So… you decided to vacation here?

Zuko: We're both Fire-Benders…

Zuko shrugs.

Gabriel looks at Lucifer, who looks back.

Gabriel: Err…

Lucifer: Whatever… you can kick Faustus out of his cabin.

The Co-Author: WOOT!

The Co-Author grabs Zuko and pulls him to Faustus' cabin. He's kicked out, rubbing his butt when he lands.

Faustus: Ow…

Back at the Apartment:

The Mighty Authoress: Anyway… I'll need help with the credits…

Aang: I'll help!

Credits:

The Hot Lesbian Couple:  
Aang: Was that Toph and Katara or Mai and Ty Lee?

The Mighty Authoress: Toph and Katara!

Mai and Ty Lee growl at her.

The Mighty Authoress: Uhh…. Mai and Ty Lee?

Toph and Katara growl at her.

Aang: Ummm… The Mighty Authoress and The Co-Author?

The Mighty Authoress and The Co-Author: NO WAY!!

The Mighty Authoress: Fine. Ty Lee, Mai, Toph AND Katara get the Hot Lesbian Couple Award thing.

Sokka: LESBIANISMZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

The Hot Gay Couple:

The Mighty Authoress and Toph: ZUKO AND AANG!!!

The Hot Hetero Couple:

Katara: Do we even HAVE any hetero couples?

The Mighty Authoress: I don't remember…

The Mighty Authoress, Aang, Katara, Mai and Ty Lee look at Toph, who shrugs.

Sokka and Azula: IT'S US YOU DOUCHE BAGS!!!

The Mighty Authoress: OH!! Right…

The Best Slash Fangirls:

Aang: Oh, that's Katara, Toph and the Mighty Authoress. Hands down.

The Best Fire-benders:

The Mighty Authoress: Mm… that's Zuko and the Co-Author…

The Avatar:

The Mighty Authoress: …

Sokka: …

Katara: …

Toph: …

Azula: …

Mai: …

Ty Lee: …  
Aang: I'M THE AVATAR!!

The Mighty Authoress: Yeah… my brain's fried from all the sex last night.

Aang: Oh… good point.

The Funniest Person:

Aang: Tie between Sokka and the Authoress…

The Mighty Authoress has found the cactus juice.

The Mighty Authoress: I EXPLODED ON THE TOILET!

Aang: Anyway…

Aang sweatdrops.

Music begins out of no where.

Aang:

You can bet

There's nothin' but net

When I am in a zone and on a roll

But I've got a confession

My own secret obsession

And it's making me lose control

Boys:

Everybody gather 'round

Aang(spoken):

Well if The Mighty Authoress can tell her secret than I can tell mine...I bake

Sokka(spoken):

What?

Aang(spoken):

I love to bake! Strudels, scones, even apple pandowdy

Boys:

Not another sound

Aang(spoken):

Someday I hope to make the perfect creme brulee

Boys:

No, no, no, nooooooooooo

No, no, no

Stick to the stuff you know

If you wanna be cool

Follow one simple rule

Don't mess with the flow, no no

Stick to the status quo

Toph:

Look at me

And what do you see

Intelligence beyond compare

But inside I am stirring

Something strange is occuring

It's a secret I need to share

Girls:

Open up, dig way down deep

Toph(spoken):

Hip hop is my passion! I love to pop and lock and jam and break!

Mai(spoken):

Is that even legal?

Girls:

Not another peep

Toph(spoken):

It's just dancing. Sometimes I think it's cooler than homework.

Girls:

No, no, no, noooooooooo

No, no, no

Stick to the stuff you know

It is better by far

To keep things as they are

Don't mess with the flow, no no

Stick to the status quo

In Hell:

Lucifer:

Listen well

I'm ready to tell

About a need that I cannot deny

Dude, there's no explanation

For this awesome sensation

But I'm ready to let it fly

Hell Folk:

Speak your mind and you'll be heard

Lucifer(spoken):

Alright, if The Mighty Authoress wants to be a singer... then i'm coming clean! I play the cello!

Faustus(spoken):

Awesome!

Beelzebub(spoken):

What is it?

Faustus(spoken):

A saw?

Lucifer(spoken):

No, dude, it's like a giant violin!

Hell Folk:

Not another word

Paris Hilton(spoken):

Do you have to wear a costume?

Lucifer(spoken):

Coat and tie

Hell Folk:

No, no, no, nooooooooooo

No, no, no

Stick to the stuff you know

If you wanna be cool

Follow one simple rule

Don't mess with the flow, no no

Stick to the status quoooooooo

All:

No, no, no

stick to the stuff you know

It is better by far

To keep things as they are

Don't mess with the flow, no no

Stick to the status quo

The Co-Author:

This is not what I want

This is not what I planned

And I just gotta say

I do not understand

Someting is really

Zuko:

Something's not right

The Co-Author:

Really wrong

Both:

And we gotta get things

Back where they belong

We can do it

Lucifer:

Gotta play

Hell Folk:

Stick with what you know

The Co-Author and Zuko:

We can do it

Toph:

Hip hop hooray

Girls:

She has got to go

The Co-Author and Zuko:

We can do it

Aang:

Creme Brulee

Boys:

Keep your voice down low

Boys, Girls, and Hell Folk (Not Toph, Aang, or Lucifer):

Not another peep

No, not another word

No, not another sound

No

The Co-Author:

Everybody quiet

The Mighty Authoress(spoken):

Why is everybody staring at you?

Katara(spoken):

Not me, you.

The Mighty Authoress(spoken):

Because of the callbacks? I can't have people staring at me! I really can't!

Boys, Girls and Hell Folk (Not Toph, Aang, or Lucifer):

Noooooooooooooo, no, no, no

Sick to the stuff you know

If you want to be cool

Follow one simple rule

Don't mess with the flow, oh no

Stick to the status quooooooooooooo

No, no, no

Stick to the stuff you know

It is better by far

To keep things as they are

Don't mess with the flow, no no

Stick to the status

stick to the status

Stick to the status quo!

The Mighty Authoress: AND I EXPLODED ON THE TOILET… AGAIN!!!

GRPM/N: Will the Mighty Authoress ever get off of cactus juice? Oh, wait… these were the credits.

**The Mighty Authoress: IT'S A GIANT MUSHROOM!! MAYBE'S ITS FRIENDLY!! Friendly Mushroom! Praise the Friendly Mushroom!**

**Toph: Uhhh… she's not gonna be okay for a while… is she?**

**The Mighty Authoress: Who lit Toph on fire?**

**Toph: I guess she'll have to be better for her AU Avatar story… or else.**

**The Mighty Authoress: The sky looks green… and fat.**

**All (except The Mighty Authoress, The Co-Author and Zuko (Zuko and the Co-Author are still vacationing in hell.)): (sweatdrop)**


	8. Bonus Bonus: So Much Molestation

**A/N: Toph and Yazu Katara here! We're doing a… what was it again?**

**Yazu Katara: Am Drag and Avatar!**

**Right. You want to be the Mighty Authoress or shall I?**

**Yazu Katara: You.**

**In script form, again. 'Cause it's some more random crap.**

Aang: GOD! MORE TORTURE!

Mighty Authoress: Ahem.

Aang: Oh, sorry. MIGHTY AUTHORESS!! MORE TORTURE!

Mighty Authoress: C'mon, you liked it…

Aang: Did not.

Mighty Authoress: Did too.

They begin arguing.

Katara: Erm…

The Co-Author: I LIKE PIE!

The American Dragon peoples appear. Randomly.

Spud fall to the floor.

Spud: MY SHOES ARE OUT TO GET ME, MAN!

The Co-Author glomps onto him.

The Co-Author: SPUDSIE!

Spud: Hmm…Spud likes the nickname.

The Mighty Authoress: GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM, WOMAN!

She smacks the Co-Author away.

The Co-Author: Aw man…wait…what am I doing? JAKEY!!!!!!!!!

She runs off after Jake, glomps him, and they promptly begin making out.

Jake: SPUD!

The Co-Author: WTF?!?!?!?!?!?

Sokka: The sky looks green and fat.

Spud: No way, man. It looks pink and like my foot.

Sokka: No way! Green and morbidly obese!

Spud: Pink and footy!

The Mighty Authoress: Somebody hand me the cactus juice…

All the Other Girls: ME TOO!

All the girls take a swig of the cactus juice, along with Spud, Sokka, and Aang.

Guys: Holy crap…

Sokka: ON A STICK!

Zuko randomly walks up to Jake.

Jake: 'Sup.

Zuko: HOLY CRAP, YOU STOLE MY VOICE!

Jake: NO, YOU STOLE MINE!

They proceed to have a shouting match, ending in a makeout fest.

Rose: No Jake, come back! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!

She attempts to get in there, but the Mighty Authoress and the Zukaang fangirls throw up a barrier that Rose can't get through.

Katara: More cactus juice, please!

Another bottle of cactus juice randomly falls from the sky (from the Gay Rainbow Pony Man, no doubt). Katara chugs the entire thing.

Toph: Katara?  
Katara: Yes dear?  
Toph: Can we…do the…you know…Douchebaggian Twist?

Katara: Of course, fuzzy wuzzy bunnykins!

They leap onto each other, crash to the floor, and proceed to perform…well, you get the idea.

The Co-Author: QUICK! GET THE CAMERA!

The Mighty Authoress: Isn't it in your pants?

The Co-Author: Oh, right.

She pulls it out of her pants, which seem to have become even more tattered than usual.

The Mighty Authoress: How did they get so screwed up?

The Co-Author: Uh…ask Zuko when he's done.

The Mighty Authoress backs away slowly, with the camera in hand, and begins taping Katara and Toph doing the Douchebaggian Twist.

Zuko and Jake break apart.

Zuko: MY BUSINESS HAS BEEN COMPLETED, JAKE!

Jake: AS HAS MINE, Z-CHAN!

Zuko: DON'T CALL ME THAT! AANGY MY LOVE, TO THE BEDROOM UPSTAIRS!

Jake: NOT IF WE GET THERE FIRST! SPUDSIE!

Spud: WOOT! SPUD'S GETTING SOME LOVING TONIGHT!

Jake, Spud, Zuko, and Aang race for the bedroom. Jake and Spud win.

Jake: YAY!

Jake takes Spud onto the bed and…

MOLESTS HIM!

Zuko takes Aang to the bathroom and…

MOLESTS HIM AGAIN!  
The Co-Author: YOU CAN'T RAPE THE WILLING!  
Meanwhile, Katara has taken Toph to the side and…

MOLESTED HER ONCE MORE!  
Mai and Ty Lee are in the kitchen, looking for more whipped cream. Upon finding it, Ty Lee takes Mai onto the counter and…

MOLESTS HER!

The Mighty Authoress: So…much…molestation!

The Co-Author: You can't rape the willing!

The Mighty Authoress: So…much…sex!

Super Toilet randomly appears.

Sokka: THAT'S THE TOILET I EXPLODED ON!

Azula takes him off to the side and…

MOLESTS HIM!

**A/N: Whoa. That was…driven.**

**The Mighty Authoress: HORMONES!**

**The Co-Author: Hey wait a minute…why didn't we get any loving?**

**The Mighty Authoress: There's Kadaj.**

**She points to the Co-Author's love from _Love, Chaos, Banana Cookies, and Llamas_.**

**The Co-Author: DAJJY! **

**The Mighty Authoress: I'm all alone…**

**The entire cast jumps her and she passes out from so much loving!**

**YAY!**


	9. The Freedom Fighter Bonus Chapter!

A/N: So what happened with Jet, Smellerbee and Longshot when Randomosity for Nincompoops occured? We will now know…

In script format, again.

Somewhere in a galaxy far, far—okay… maybe just somewhere in the desert. Next to a cactus plant. Near… okay… shutting up, because Smellerbee is about to kill me.

Smellerbee: Why are we all the way out here?

Jet: Ask Longshot, he was the one who lost the map.

Jet thwacks Longshot on the head with his own hat.

Longshot: Oww…

Smellerbee: How did that hurt?

Longshot: I have a sensitive head.

Jet: Gawd, it's so hawt out here!

Longshot: Who talks like that?

Jet: I liked it better when you didn't talk…

Smellerbee: Boys! Boys! Boys!

Longshot and Jet: Yes?

Smellerbee: … I forgot… where were we?

Jet: Uhh… oh, right. Gawd, I'm hawt!

Longshot: Yes, you are.

Smellerbee: O.O

Jet spots a cactus plant right next to the spot they were standing.

Jet: Look! A cactus!

Longshot: I wouldn't…

Jet hacks off part of the cactus and drinks from it. Longshot shrugs and takes a swig.

Smellerbee: Ah… crap on a stick.

Jet: Hey guys… IT'S NEKKID TIME!

He takes off his clothes.

Longshot takes a little gopher off the ground.

Longshot: Will you marry me?

Smellerbee sweat drops and takes the cactus juice off the ground where Longshot dropped it.

Smellerbee: You know the phrase "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em"?

Longshot: You will? Oh, 'Bee! You've me the happiest man alive! Jet will give you away and the duke will be the ring bearer and Sneers will be the flower girl…

Jet: FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Smellerbee: Here's another one: "BOTTOM'S UP!"

Her pupils dilate and she promptly jumps off the cliff in an attempt to fly.

Jet: What was that?

Longshot shrugs and continues huggling the gopher.

A/N: Yes, this is from Sylvacoer's (deviantART, people) "That Old Saying" Sorry for butchering it.


End file.
